Time for Some Tough Love

Karishma.

We need to talk.

Someone needs to put you in your place.

I’m surprised no one has ever called you out on the bullshit you spin.

It’s long overdue.

I didn’t want to be the one forced to say this, but you’re being an obtuse spoilt brat. You need to open your eyes to the truth, and see things as they really are.

 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Yes, you grew up a little neglected. You had a sister who was academically brilliant, stole the limelight. You were bullied and teased. You’ve experienced some rather abusive and traumatic situations. It hasn’t been easy. But it doesn’t mean you get to complain and hold onto those experiences as your narrative for life.

It’s part of who you WERE, it’s NOT who you are NOW.

Everyone has their struggles in life and while yours may be more painful to you, it doesn’t mean you’re the only one who ever faces struggles. More importantly, it doesn’t make you inadequate as a person or entitled to special sympathy.

If anything, you should be grateful to have gone through those experiences because they gave you mental fortitude and grit – those qualities will allow you to succeed in the toughest times.

I’m not trying to minimise what you’ve been through or tell you that you should pretend it never happened. In fact, I don’t want you to ever forget the lessons you learned, the pain and heartache. One day when you’ve reached lofty heights of success, it will serve as an excellent reminder of how far you’ve come.

But for now, it’s not serving you.

Time to let those stories go.

 

Stop thinking you aren’t good enough.

Consciously or not, you’ve surrounded yourself with winners. People you define as smart, talented and gorgeous. You’ve drawn the conclusion that because they possess those characteristics, it means you don’t have the ability to succeed. The world isn’t like that. Success is not some finite pie that was served up to everyone else, leaving nothing for you.

Besides, as someone who truly believes that you are an average of the five closest people around you, did you consider that having winners around you might make you a winner too? Did you consider that those winners chose you or kept you in their lives for a reason? Did you consider that they see those enviable characteristics in you too?

 

Stop rejecting yourself before others have the chance to consider you.

There are countless times you swipe left on a guy because you think someone that amazing wouldn’t be into you, he’s supposedly “out of your league”. Or worse, you bail and cancel on dates last minute because you tell yourself that he probably isn’t going to be interested. It’s pathetic. How will you know if you don’t even try?

You don’t apply for jobs you want because you’re missing one of the ten criteria. You don’t even give yourself a chance, then wonder, why your life isn’t going in the direction you want. There’s a clichéd saying appropriate for this situation: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. And you, my friend, aren’t taking any shots. There’s no one to blame but yourself.

 

Stop the excuses.

Do NOT tell me you don’t know how to make things happen. Do NOT tell me you need more time to figure things out. You know what you need to do. You have spent enough time thinking already. It’s not too hard. I want you to think of every challenging thing you’ve ever overcome, the intensity and ferocity with which you have executed past endeavours. And with that in mind, do you really have the audacity to tell me you don’t have it in you to overcome supposed difficulties? You’re fooling no one.

I understand that you don’t know EVERY step, but you do know the NEXT step. That’s enough. It’s all you ever need to know. Once you complete the next step, the rest of the path will become clear over time.

 

Stop hiding from the world.

Every day you minimise your awesomeness because you are scared of intimidating the world with how much you are able to handle. You don’t want them to see how capable and talented you are. I see you giving up on your disciplined ways to seem more “normal” and less “hardcore” because you don’t want other people to feel bad. This is NOT the time to be selfless. It just causes you to resent those around you, and THAT is toxic.

I see you doing some rather bizarre things. You own fabulous clothes but don’t wear them because people might notice you. You just look at them with a heavy heart and settle for something plain. You hide behind your glasses because you don’t want people to see the real you. You sat on your photos for months before sharing them because you were too scared to be noticed.

Hopefully this all sounds deranged to you, because that’s how you are acting. Can you do us all a favour and stop settling. Just live your life fabulously, okay?

 

Now I can sense a protest on the horizon.

But before you even open your mouth let’s look at what you do have going for you – an objective analysis of your achievements and qualities.

 

Stop calling yourself dumb. You’re smart.

All through school you were in the advanced academic classes. By the time you reached university, you often received A+’s. You have the equivalent of degrees in THREE areas: law, psychology and art history. Try to spin it however you can, but you KNOW that means that you are at least average, if not above that.

It’s not just that you are book smart, you possess multiple types of intelligence. You can play two musical instruments, speak three languages, and have successfully survived and worked in four countries.

 

Stop thinking you have no one. You’re loved beyond measure.

Think of all the people that desperately want to see you when you go home. Specifically, there’s friends like Amanda who will take a full day off work to spend quality time with you, or Eliza who will meet you for a 630am breakfast if it’s all you have time for. There are so many family and friends who ask about you, and want to spend time with you. Just because you don’t have a tight circle of friends in Sydney to brunch with and you’ve never been in a long-term relationship does NOT make you a loser.

 

Stop saying you don’t have enough dance experience.

You’ve been dancing since you were 7. Dance teachers always put at the front because you performed the best. You know how to work a stage and audience. Do I also have to remind you that at your peak you were training twice a day, six times a week? That’s strength and resilience most people don’t practically understand or ever experience.

 

Stop thinking you haven’t got a “good enough” passion. You adore hula hooping.

Here you are with all the opportunities at your feet and you’re just going to sit there and tell me it’s not enough? Just stop. Not only are you passionate about it, you’re good at it. I understand that it might not be generic or something everyone understands, but it doesn’t make it any less worthy. It lights you up, and you often find yourself practicing for hours effortlessly. It’s a gift many can only dream of – some people NEVER find that kind of passion.

 

Stop acting like your job isn’t meaningful, or you *need* a better position.

There may not be a fancy title, or permanent job perks. But you truly love teaching the lawyers in your firm. It’s easy work for you. You have full autonomy and independence over your training schedule. You genuinely enjoy going to work every day and have a boss who is perfect for you. Do you know how rare that is?

Most importantly, you earn decent money to supply the lifestyle you want. You have a ridiculous amount of free time. Today alone, you have been able to spend at least five hours on writing at work because trainings were cancelled. YOU’RE PRETTY MUCH BEING PAID TO WRITE. Have a little gratitude, because it could be so much worse.

 

You’re probably rolling your eyes, cringing.

I know you’re dying to launch into defence mode and tell me it was all a lucky fluke, or anyone could do what you do. But deep down you KNOW that’s not true.

I know you’ve had help along the way, but it doesn’t make it any less special or take away from your achievements.

You have absolutely everything going for you in life; you’re a force to be reckoned with.

 Start acting like it.

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